By its very grammatical structure, golf is a four letter word, which is rather fitting. There are a number of times during the course of a round when one thinks, “Please just kill me now.” Those moments when nothing goes right, when the only breaks are bad, and when you regret thinking things couldn’t possibly get much worse – because ultimately, they do.
We’ve complied 10 Times When You Hate Your Life on the Golf Course for your enjoyment.
1. Lining up Your 4th Putt
Because three putting is simply not infuriating enough. This situation usually takes place after it has already taken 6 f***ing shots to get on the green. Now there’s an 8-footer left for a 10. Meanwhile, your playing partners are laser-focused lining up their birdie or short par putt. But you’re a gentleman, so you take more putts for yourself than the rest of the group combined. So you calm down, focus, and scuff it from 3-feet.
2. Opening up a New Sleeve of Balls After You Hit One O.B.
It’s ok, you didn’t really like that $5 golf ball anyway. Good thing you splurged for the expensive balls with dual-surlyn-meta-compound-high-velocity-whatever-science-term technology, specifically designed to fly as far out-of-bounds as humanly possible. Let’s just reach into the golf bag and pull out a new sleeve; surely the fate of these balls will be different…
3. Your Ball Could Not be More Directly Behind a Tree
And it’s a palm tree for good measure. Your wrists are bigger than the tree. Yet here your ball has decided to rest, with a tree the width of a toothpick directly in the intended target line. So you have two choices: 1) Punch out and take your medicine… or 2) Play a miraculous 60-yard draw around the tree, over water, and onto the green. You (logically) go for the second option, snap your club around the tree, almost breaking your arms, and watch your ball hopelessly dribble into the water.
4. Your Club Breaks and Now You Need It For Every Shot For The Rest of The Round
Oh, was that your 7-iron you just broke? Well, it turns out that every shot from here to the clubhouse is at 7-iron distance. Even on the greens. But since you don’t have one, you can just go to that perfect 3/4 smooth 6-iron shot that you’ve been practicing since the 6th grade and have executed exactly never.
5. Your Ball is Plugged in the Lip of a Bunker
You search the entire bunker like you’re looking for buried treasure and are about ready to give up. Suddenly your “friend” says, “Oh there it is… in the innermost circle of… the bunker.” Thank you, what great eyes you have. Somehow, your golf ball has decided to temporarily defy gravity and suspend itself in the land of sheer doom. The smart player would take an unplayable lie, but naturally you decide to spend the next nine shots remembering how to escape from a bunker. Besides, you need the practice.
6. Really Focusing on a Shot, and Completely Failing
Just one good shot. That’s all you need to get things back on track. You’ve got your favorite club in hand, your ideal number, and the conditions are just right. You go through your routine with intense focus. You get over the ball and concentrate until you almost black out. You move the club into your backswing with purpose and confidence… and proceed to hit the worst shot in human history.
7. You Hit a Shot Fat, and Dirt Flies Into Your Eye
Your shot was so bad that your eyes must be punished for forcing everyone else’s to watch what you just attempted to call a golf swing. Although you can’t hit a ball placed in front of you, you’ve managed to strike the ground in such a way that the earth has risen up six feet to hit you in the cornea and remind you how pathetic you truly are. Good luck seeing anything for the next 4 hours.
8. Your Ball Disappears After a Perfect Tee Shot
You’ve decided that you don’t care anymore. Whatever, just get up and hit it. Perfect. Flush off the club face, dead center of the fairway. You can feel your confidence beginning to rebuild its shattered foundation. Only when you get to where your ball should be, you realize that you’ve hit it into the Bermuda Triangle. Your ball is gone, inexplicably (See #2).
9. You’re Stuck Behind the Slowest Group on Earth
Their version of Ready Golf is to wait until everyone is ready to watch each shot. The nuance of every rule and situation is discussed, verified, and enforced. The honor system is firmly in play, and every pre-shot routine includes analyzing an Excel spreadsheet for 10 minutes to account for all possible variables. Meanwhile, you watch all this unfold in front of you at the pace of a newborn learning to crawl.
10. Your Cart Dies
This only happens when you have a blister on your heel, it’s 100 degrees out, and every hole plays uphill the rest of the way. Also, you are in the only area of the course without cell service, so you can’t call the clubhouse; but it doesn’t matter, because everyone’s phone is dead anyway. Good thing you’ve been exercising so much lately since work, kids, and the bills take up no free time and are not at all stressful.
What are some of the moments when you are on the verge of losing it on the golf course?